What's the point?

I'm in Spanish class right now. Math class is over, thank goodness. 
Today in Math class we had to get with whomever went to our middle school and sing the song that they taught us to learn the quadratic formula. That left me in a group with Alex Murietta and Tellious Scott. Yeah, a grand total of three people that went to Vanguard that are in my Algebra II class. And we were suppose to sing the quadratic formula in the tune of "Pop-goes-the -Weasel", well actually I didn't sing and neither did Alex, we just stood there awkwardly as we left Tellious to sing. After that Durga had to point out the fact that I was "embarrassed" and I thought I could just chill in the back of the classroom (where my seat it) until class was over. About a half hour later he said "I hope we had a little fun and learned something, but I can tell that Baylee just hates it" when I clearly wasn't paying any attention, so I said "Huh?" Durga isn't bad, but I feel like he's the one teacher that doesn't think I'm a good student. Or not that I'm not a good student, he just sees past me. I hate teachers like that, not meaning I hate Durga, I just get annoyed at the end of lessons, and for that very reason I don't feel like doing the homework, and because I don't do the homework I don't turn it in, and because I don't turn it in he doesn't think I"m a capable student. It really goes full circle.
However, I did not start this post to talk about school, or Durga, or Math, or any of that crap I don't give much a care about. No I told Miranda I would write this post, and so, I am writing this post. I keep my word. I guess...


She asks me: "How do you feel about him, how much do you like him?" 
I try to tell her that it really isn't important and that it doesn't matter anyway, but she insists that it does.
So I'm telling you.
His name is Dakota Miller. 
Yeah, another guy with the same last name of me. I swear I'm the only person that has this dilemma. I mean it's not a big problem, no, it's just weird. First Alex, now Dakota. If we become good friends I'll get the "You should marry Alex, because then you wouldn't have to change your last name." issue even more than I did before. I can handle that though, without blushing probably not, but I can still handle it. 


His background information (let's pretend I'm a cool international spy making a profile for the alleged criminal): 
Name: Dakota Miller
Birthday: November 1st
Age: 17 years old. There's the first semi-strange thing for me. This would be the oldest person I've liked so far in my life. Not that 17 is particularly old, not I don't actually see a problem in his age. It's just different. I mean it's only 2 years older. And he doesn't really act like he's any old.
School: Home-schooled (internet school). Another new things, he doesn't go to my school, or any school for that matter. He actually did go to Grand River for half the year last year, he was in my Biology class. I didn't really pay much attention to him then though, didn't seem like the type of person that would want to talk to me. And then when the seating chart did place us at the same table, when I would have been forced to talk to him, yeah that's when he left school. I wonder if he realizes if he would have just waited one more month we could have become face-to-face friends... School doesn't seem like one of his top priorities, that's what I have to say about that.... but he's a good guy... and he's not stupid.
Hair color: Brown. I'm quite curious to see what it looks like now that he got it cut, but he said that it didn't really look much different (yet he hated it). Me and Miranda had a conversation about how he is a rock with fluffy hair. Simply because Miranda is mean and so am I because I had to agree because of how true it is... his hair it like a giant fluff-ball on the top of his head.... I'm honestly not sure if he combs it, but it doesn't look bad on him, but his hair could be like flippin' fantabulous if he tried.
Eye color: Oh gosh...we've had this conversation before, me and him. But i can't remember for the life of me.
Friends: (close friends at least..) Conner Johnson and Ryan Rheyer. 
^^And that dear people is probably the only reason he ever started talking to me in the first place. So depending on hoe tragically my desires end I will either have to greatly thank Conner, or I'll have to chop him into a million pieces, throw those pieces into a fire, put the ashes in a urn, bury the urn, bulldoze the area where the urn was buried, and then throw the urn into the ocean. That's how badly I think this could end.


It all happened a little after I started talking to Conner, after I met him and was well on my way to become friends with Mr.Johnson. Out of nowhere he started talking to me on Facebook. I am fairly certain it was sometime in the beginning of April. We talked about a lot of things that night, music and religion being the main things I remember... we've talked about many things since then. Although there have been long stretches in between time we've talked. It seems as if at certain times he has had no interest in talking to me and has gotten offline when I started talking to him. However, that hasn't happened for a while now, so I guess I won't let it bother me. Not now anyway, I have other things to worry about. He said he started talking to me because he needed more friends and Conner had started talking to me too so I guess it was kind of a forfeit. It was just a shot in the dark, the luck of chance.


However, I know that he just sees me as a friend. There have been so many things that prove it. (however there are other things that seem to point against it...) Half the time before he leaves he said "ttyl friend" it's kind of like a slap in the face... and the other day, that just blew it out of the water and proved it, he said: "Seeya later BIIOOOOTTCCHHHHHHHH". Then he claimed that he was hyper. I laughed it off "um...okay. Talk to ya later. Silly boy" and then he left. It just took away any hope that I had about us. But I still want us to happen...


Oh, did I mention I've only met him a total of two times... yeah that's right, two. The first time was a complete disaster. It was Conner's birthday party, at Craig's Cruisers, on September 19th. I had made a bet with Miranda: $5 that he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't say a single word to me. Guess what. I won that bet. I didn't say anything to him either, whether it was because I wanted to win or not. We just didn't talk. At all. I spent the whole night, waiting for him to say something for me. I feel like I wasted that night. I was watching him the whole time, watching, waiting. Not a word. Yeah, that night was awful. I remember I spent the night at Miranda's afterwards and I spent like 15 minutes in her bathroom crying. I even wrote a post about it on here. I felt awful and sad and worthless. How could one boy do that to me? How?! 


The second time, we planned together. That gave me hope because he actually invited me to hangout with him, he wanted to see me. And then the time came, and we barely talked again. It was an awful time. AWFUL. Neither of us had a good time. It is obvious from the conversations we had about it, how much of an idiot I am because i'm all shy. Sounds like now he's sorta ready to try it again.


But what should I invite him to... and how do I get the courage to talk to him.


(It is now 7:07 pm, I'm home.)


Miranda asked me, on a scale of 1-10, ten being the best, how much do you like him. It's really hard to tell right now, like, I've never felt this way about a person before, but I'm not sure if that's good or not. In one way I would say about 8 or 9 but in the other sense I can see a 4 or 5. Simply because I really like him but I could also see myself with other people. Well I mean I find other people very nice. But he's the one that sticks out the most... you decide if you want to believe 8 or 9 or 4 or 5. It doesn't matter.


I guess I'll post this, cause once he gets online tonight I'll have regretted writing this post and doubting myself. Here you go, Miranda. This is what I think. and you probably hate this post cause it's so stupid. I AM SO STUPID.


Dakota, what do you think about me. 


I mean the boy has given me "relationship advice" telling me to just go for it. I bet he'd regret it if he neew it was him I would just be going for...


Sigh... I will destroy myself.


Love,
Baylee Jean







(I just answered someone on how to spell epiphany...)