It’s been nearly one year ago today that I
started using this blog as a confidant. At the beginning of 2011 I told you I’d
write every day, then I changed it to 3x a week, and somehow it changed to just
whenever I felt like it. And even though I failed at keeping up my part of the
bargain, even though I abandoned you for an entire summer, even though I was
probably the worst blogger in the world, you were always here for me. You’ve
been like a loyal friend to me, the only one I could always count on to be
there, no matter what. Through thick and thin (no matter how clichéd that
sounds) I have told you all that was important to me, and you took it, without judgment.
You’ve heard all the negative thoughts in my head, and yet you didn’t leave.
Loyal. Thank you. And yes, I know you are an inanimate object, or idea,
thought, who knows what, but still I think of you as a friend.
2011, what can I say, it certainly
has been something. In all honesty I can’t say I’ll be sad to see this year
leave. It hasn’t necessarily been a good
year, or one that I look back at with much fondness. Sure, there are some
memories I’ll care to remember: I met Conner this year (certainly one of my new
best friends, I know he’ll always have my back), I got my puppy Molly this year
(though she’s a handful I love her with all my heart), and that day in the
summer when I got to hang out with Miranda, Conner, Kate, Alex, and Cameron
(they all give me so much joy). Then there have been the bad that I won’t be
able to forget, no matter how hard I try: the New York trip being canceled, my
grandpa getting Cancer (although he seems fine now), my favorite cat of about 7
years having to get put down because of breast cancer and liquid in her lungs
(Daisy, may you rest in peace), the same night as my cat dying one of my best
friends was going to commit suicide and I had to tell my mom in to figure out
what to do (I had restrained from telling her for a long time so as not to
worry her, but my mom is strong and she called the cops. I don’t know if
Justice would have actually done it, but I’m glad we called the police), and
ending the year single when all my friends are in relationships with each other
(though I am happy that they’re all happy).
In a few hours this day will be
over, and with the ending of the day, comes the end of the year. I look forward
to the future, the year 2012 that greats me. I never actually thought I’d be
looking forward to 2012, considering I think we all might actually die this
upcoming year. However, I feel like I will be able to do whatever in 2012, it’ll
be a year about me and about finding myself. At least, that’s what I’m telling
myself. During 2011 I didn’t accomplish anything that I wanted to, did I even
have goals? I was weak this year, not the type of person I want to look in the
mirror and see. So, 2012 will be the year I create that person, the one I want
to see or would actually want to be. This might be another empty promise to
myself, and I would not want to disappoint you anymore than I might have
already, so I will not promise it to you. You’ve been far too good a friend to
have to deal with the woes and worries of 2012, that’s not your job. Today, your
duty has been fulfilled.
This post has not been to simply say
goodbye to 2011, but to say goodbye to you. This year is over, and so our time
together must now come to an end. My dear friend, don’t take this personally,
but for us both to move on, we must actually move on. Now, obviously I’m being
overly dramatic. You’d be glad to be rid of me. Just kidding of course. Maybe.
Not really.
So this is my goodbye. This is my
thank you. This is my final time talking to you.
I’ll see you on the other side, my
dear friend.
xoxox
Love,
Baylee Jean
