I wonder if I’m going to make it.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t.
I try to make myself think I’m strong, but if it came down to it I just hope I wouldn’t coward in fear.
I feel like such a terrible person for thinking about this, but I’ve started to think about what Brian would have to change about himself for me to actually go out with him.
Then I really thought about how terrible it was to think that someone would have to change something about themselves to be able to impress me and I realized how terrible that was. No one should ever have to change anything about them to have me be attracted to them. Still I don’t feel that way about him, but I feel like if he did change those things I might actually like him. But those things include: being more considerate to others feelings, like music, get a Facebook, think before he talks, control his temper a bit, and fix his flatulence problem. That’s a lot to change, and I’ve never wanted to be that person who tries to change someone. In fact I am not going to be the person who tries to change someone (although it would probably be for the better for everyone, except him of course). I wish I could just tell him that it’s not worth it, that I’m not worth it, and that I’m sure some other person would be insanely attracted to him someday but I need a little more than what I believe he has to offer. I can’t of course say that because, firstly I would sound insanely rude and stuck up, and secondly that would mean that I would have to tell him that I assume that he likes me which also sounds really stuck up and could be the wrong assumption. Of course the boy has some great things to offer but I’m afraid that they are almost completely unnoticeable because of the flaws. I really don’t mean to sound as terrible as it sounds like I am right now. I’ve really been thinking about this lately, really I have. I mean seriously, here’s the good qualities: He’s smart and rather enjoys reading good poetry, he can be funny at times (but only when its appropriate to be funny, because so many times he tries to be funny when the timing is completely off and it just makes him look obnoxious), I can talk to him like the two of us are actually normal people and I don’t worry about him judging me too harshly (because it’d be weird if he judged me and if he judges me badly then I’m pretty sure he knows that I can judge him just as badly), I’ve known him for a while, he’s a little nerdy sometimes so when I say something completely nerdy then it would be like me saying something really nerdy… I still don’t even know why I’ve been thinkning about this. I guess that if he ever does randomly ask me out I don’t want to make the mistake of giving him the wrong answer by saying yes or no. I might tell him something like, “we’ll see how it works out” or “let’s go hang out and get to know each other a bit more before we make a decision like that” because I honestly don’t know. The teasing I’ll get for goin out with him wouldn’t really bother me much, I don’t give a crap what people think of me just because of the people I decide to associate with. I think that might be one of the reasons he possibly maybe likes me, because I use to be one of the only girls that were ever nice to him. I’m still overly nice to him, I don’t even know why. He’s a person and deserves to be treated like one, and if people knew that then maybe he wouldn’t have gone to such an extreme with his obnoxiousness.
People will be the death of me.
I won’t die because of a disease, of because of global warming, or anything like that. I’ll die because of the human population and their crazy ways. Because of their critical judgments, their harsh words, their double personalities, and the knives they are willing to stab into anyone’s back. It’s a sad truth and I know it. It’s clear, everyone in this earth is slowly (or quickly) going mad. People are either too smart or too dumb.
Take Rihanna for example. She’s on the too dumb side (she just came on the radio). Listen to her new song, her new song says: “I may be bad but I’m perfectly good at it… sticks and stones may break bones, but chains and whips excite me.” Yeah, I use to feel bad for her because Chris Brown beat her, well now I almost think she deserved it because of this song. Apparently, she enjoyed it and didn’t care. So she shouldn’t expect any sympathy from me. I mean for her sake I hope it doesn’t happen again, but with a song like this it wouldn’t surprise me if her next boyfriend beats her too.
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