March 10

                I am grounded.

                So, no I am not technically aloud to be writing this. Once again I’m in math class; I have my laptop to “do homework”. My parents seem to think it’s affective to take away my stuff and ground me, I would think they would know me a little better than that. Apparently not. Well, me and my parents “made up”, “apologized, “have forgiven” each other, however you would like to say it. Grounding me is not affective obviously; I’m still finding a way around it. I got my lap top to “do school work” (although I really do have some to do, I had Miranda vote for Scottie on American Idol for me,  and they failed to take my iPod away so I still have music.

 I’m also using this lap top to keep an eye on my email. Although I may not be able to get on YouTube from school because the school blocks every little thing, I can still check my YouTube comments and messages through my email. Wanna know why this is a good thing? This is a good thing because the other day when I wrote a short thank you message to Robbie Rosen to thank him for responding, he wrote me back once again. So, I am trying to see if I can keep the conversation going. Yeah, I’m aware of the fact that this may not work. One of the reasons he probably responded before was because I wasn’t expecting him to, when now I obviously am. But since it seems I may be one of his biggest fans (I’ve always wanted to be a biggest fan, but I never actually have been. But now I think I might be J)  he might actually respond. I just started with a short message, I mean what if he responds. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I became internet friends with him. But there I go again, dreaming to be and getting ahead of myself. I just get a little bit happier when I get a message from him ya know. It seems like the whole world is falling down around me, and I need something a little bit crazy and unfamiliar. Well, here goes trying. What I wrote him to try to keep a conversation:“ J May I ask why you haven’t put your videos back up…..or is it a secret?? -__-“ Chances are he probably won’t respond again, not very likely but ya know I’m keeping an eager eye on my email.

So, as I’ve said, my whole world is falling down around me. Go ahead and look at me like some sort of drama queen, but it’s true, so I don’t really care. I’ll give you a list of everything that’s been going on, and describe in depth a little more what I think needs more explaining, how ‘bout?

Baylee’s Mess that people consider life: What’s wrong??

1.       I’ve gone crazy; nothing in this world makes sense. Pretty much every little thing gets to me these days, and I don’t care very much about a lot of things.

2.       Yesterday, I figured out that my mom probably will not have a job next year. (Fingers crossed that she does.) And she doesn’t even seem to care.

3.       I will more than likely NOT be going to New York this summer. Consider the reason #2.

4.       I will not be starting drivers training this summer, when I could have officially started Monday.

5.       I am grounded.

6.       My dress for the spring formal doesn’t fit, and I don’t even want to go to the stupid dance. What’s the point anyway??

7.       I’m not going to college and I am going to be a person living on the street. Reason 2 once again.

8.       I have to get open office for my word document instead of Microsoft 2010. L

9.       We are reading Romeo and Juliet, I actually love the book, but it makes me feel all single and stuff. Not that that’s terrible but geez. I wish I was Juliet, even though I know what happens in the end….

10.   Michigan sucks and I’m never going to get out of this stupid fricken state, now am I? No because it’s a cage with an electric fence and rusty bars on the cage. Filled with bird that can’t figure out what song to sing, or even worse, they are too afraid to sing there song. GRRR!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE!!

Need I go on with my list? I have many more reason. And I mean MANY more reasons. Life sucks. I don’t think I’m depressed or anything like that. I suppose I’m just realizing that life sucks, it’s not a fairytale, and love doesn’t actually exist. Think me melodramatic, I don’t care. It’s true. Very true.

What the heck. This fricken class, fricken hates me. Please, excuse my language. We just started a story problem, about Manhattan, New York. Does she have any clue how much I’ve been trying to keep my mind off of New York. It’s pretty much my biggest dream at the moment, to go to New York City.

I got a 69% on my math test for last unit. Whoopie! I am a failure. Why do I even keep trying. Someone please tell me why I keep trying. Is life even worth it?? Does any of it matter All they do is tell me I can’t. And Is tart to believe them, but I don’t want to believe them!!!!!!!!!

Ughh. Another day. Many, many more questions That keep burning into my mind and I don’t think I’ll ever find the answers for. Great! Even worse, you can’t hear the sarcasm in my typing. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just another day. Just another day. Can I make it by, just another day?? I guess only time will tell. Only time will tell. Here we go. I’m taking a breath. I’ll try to make it through the day.

Won’t be able to post this until next week. So this was written, March 10, 2011.

xoxox

~Baylee jean