There's a few lessons I want you all to learn. Firstly, don't set your expectations too high, you will ALWAYS be disappointed. God damn you this is my fucking life, and if I want to live it this way, then the hell with you. I'll do what I want. Don't tell someone how to live and that you're disappointed in them for not doing better when you haven't been through it. Don't you dare tell me that you have, this is different than your petty little high school where homework probably took you less than three hours a night. YOU DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT ME! NOT A THING! Stop telling me what to do and who I am. I don't give a damn what others say about me, and right now you are just another disapproving voice, nothing more. I may be your daughter but I am not your CHILD, I haven't been for at least two years now. I have got to take care of myself. Not you, not your desires. You, no doubt made some fucking mistakes as a teen. Oh, did you forget about those. Got the upper hand now. Say all the things you told your parents you'd never say to your kids, just because you got some big authority now? Yeah I have some missing assignments. You wanna know why. Because those fucking teachers, instructors, pompous bitches, whatever you wanna call them; they load me with homework each friggen night. My backpack is at least 20 lbs. probably more. I must have at least and hour in each class. Probably 2 for Ap Government. There's no way in hell that I can get that ALL done ALL the time without going crazy. Did you also know I dream of running away. Or of quitting this school completely. When I asked what you'd do if I dropped out, I wasn't kidding, even if you think it was haha rhetorical. I was so god damn fucking serious. You haven't the slightest clue. I haven't been happy in god only knows how long. And contributing to the many reasons, this fucking school and you (YOU YOU YOU!) are one of the reasons why. I'm no super human, and I'm not your bitch. Not one slightest bitch. I'm not perfect. Go ahead, give me that look. Be "so disappointed". I'm not upset because you are, I'm upset because I haven't gotten out of this place yet. The second I can leave, I am so gone. I love you guys to bits and pieces, but you best know, the second I turn eighteen, I am out of this place. GONE FOR GOOD! Now go ahead, have fun being disappointed. You haven't the slightest clue. And they say I'm naive. Fuck you.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Well, that's it. I think I'm done. I
haven't been happy lately. My friends all think I'm a bitch, hell I
am a bitch. Getting indecisive again, and honestly I know it's all
hopeless. Maybe it's time I keep my mouth shut, and my head down. It
won't hurt to try.
Love,
Baylee Jean
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Why am I crying so freaking much tonight!
I've never seen my eyes so blue.
What's wrong with me right now!!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I think my cat has cancer, but no one cares...
Burn me at the stake,
Tear of my skin
I can’t find any reason
I should want to live.
Trap me in eternity,
Chain me to the hearth,
Hell is here
To forever roam the earth.
Rip my eyes from their sockets,
Stab my ears, till blood dries over them.
I can’t stand to see or hear
When they die and I still live
Pain is simple,
Death is relief.
Heart break kills the soul inside of us,
Leaving an empty shell to rot and reak.
[So, this is a poem I wrote. I don;t feel any of these feeling, this is just what I come up with when I'm 1.)Pissed at my parents. 2.) Worried about my cat. and 3.) Listeningg to Breaking Benjamin. I have never once wanted to die in my life, nor do I want to at the moment. Thank you, good day.]
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Last weekend ( Festival of the Arts, Downtown. Friday, June 3rd, 2011) Some documenting.
The Outer Vibe (Brillaint Band)
Friday was Festival of the Arts downtown. It was a blast! We got hot chocolate and the went to watch The Outer Vibe perform. They did great as always! Sean was sexii as always. And Jeff was the first one to talk to us, as always. I will never get tired of the Outer Vibe. It was a great time.
Conner, Katelyn, and Miranda
I also had a great time hanging out with some of the best people ever. Seriously, I love you guys and has a great time. We need to do it again!
Me and Kate lookin' cute! :)
Me and Kate wore dresses. It was a little awkward going up to the front of the stage, jumping in a dress. It was worth it, I love dresses.
All in all it was a great time! I know this was short documenting. I PROMISE I'll get back in the hang of things after schools out. Just 2 more half days of exams and we'll be done. Then I'm going to Cutlerville days with Katrina. I'm almost done!!!!
Like I said. We need to do something like this again. Sean mentioned to us (when we went and talked to them after the show) that they'll be performing with We the Kings on the Forth of July. That'll be an awesome concert, i better be able to go!
Love ya guys!
Love ya guys!
xoxox
~Baylee Jean
P.S. I found out how to put pictures on my blog!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Next time...
Next time, I think I’ll fall off the earth.
At least that seems less painful. Or, maybe I’ll lock myself away, in a little room where no one can find me. Sure, I’ll go insane with my thoughts poisoning me, but that’s hardly anything new. At least then I won’t have to bother anyone else. Or maybe, just maybe, a deep black crevasse will open up in the ground and suck me up like a black hole for everything I’ve ever done. At least then I’ll no longer feel.
Sometimes, it all feels just a little too real. Or maybe it doesn’t feel real enough. I guess it’s a little too hard to tell sometimes. It doesn’t really matter. The real point is that no matter how close to good something is in my life, I always seem to ruin it.
Is it possible for someone to dig themselves in a hole so deep they’ll never be able to get out? And is it possible for me to continue falling? Some things are so hard to explain to people, so I won’t even try.
Now I sound so dramatic. Kind of like my mom does when she’s “sick”. Which only makes me hate myself more.
I’m going to be the death of myself. I just know it.
Love,
Xoxox
~Baylee Jean
P.S. I have to document this. The other day while I was talking to Conner he was actually at a loss for words. I never thought that would happen! It was shocking ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
