Runaway...

                Have you ever wanted to run away?

                Have you ever wanted to run and never look back? Just leave the world behind you, and don’t let yourself regret anything. Go where ever you want, see whatever you want. Leave the life you’ve always known. Leave the haters, the people ready to judge you, any responsibility you had, any fears or regrets. If you could just leave it all. Leave the barriers and the restriction the government and anyone else who has authority traps us with. Leave the expectations, the everyday tortures that don’t apply to us.

                I assume you know my opinion on the matter, but just to make it clear: it sounds like a dream. Escaping.  Trust me, I’ve thought about it. I’d never actually run away but I’ve dreamed of leaving, doing something more than what I’m doing now.  The problem: No one understands. No one agrees. No one cares.|

                Running isn’t always cowardice. Sometimes, it’s what’s best. We aren’t running away out of fear, we’re running because we are the dreamers. We see the world differently, in a way no one else will ever understand. We know that there is something more out there, something else we should be doing. Instead of being imprisoned here, we’d rather be imprisoned elsewhere. Or, better yet, not be imprisoned anywhere at all; always moving.

                There really is no point in me being here. I can see that, so why can’t anyone else? I am wasting my life here, rotting away like a banana on a sunny day. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, I’m really not that big of a drama-queen. I’m just saying: Everyone learns in different ways, everyone sees things differently.

                I don’t know where I’m going with this.

                I guess I wish I could just disappear, start over, fall into the earth.

                Maybe someday.

                For now I’ll suffer through it (sounds dramatic like I’m joking but I’m being 100% serious)

                xoxox

                ~Baylee Jean

I'm Always Grumpy...

It’s times like these that life truly confuses me.

At this very moment I am laying on my floor typing this as my cousin lays in my bed snoring louder than I usually blare my music. I bet people around the world can hear her. Last night I had to sleep with headphones in just to block out the sound and it barely worked; I’ll probably have to do the same thing again tonight.

My cousins and grandmother came and spent the weekend. I had yesterday off, but it wasn’t much of a vacation. Everyone else has Monday off, so I’ll be the only one who doesn’t technically get to enjoy their vacation. I guess I don’t deserve it though because I missed school all last week, because I was sick. Sigh, karma I guess.

We went to Craig’s Cruisers. With every minute I spent there I just got more and more ticked-off.  People are so stupid. Hmm, I think that is the thing I have learned this year. Ha, how many times have I said this so far, ‘I hate people. People are stupid. Civilization is stupid.’

Well, I am tired. Good night. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be in a better mood.

Truth be told, tomorrow I’ll probably be in a worse mood. Ha, good luck with that.

xoxox,

~Baylee Jean

Bad Day

Had one of the worst day I've had in a long time.
The school day was fine I s'pose, except for him.... but oh well...
Once I got home everything went down hill. Maybe I'll explain more tomorrow.
For now: I hate soup, Mac n' cheese, expired milk, 6 cups of water, noodle on the floor.
Ughh.
love ya.
xoxox
~Baylee jean

What are you hiding?

Well, I originally planned on writing this post about how I love people. Plans change. I still can’t bring myself to say that. Every time I start to have the tiniest bit of hope for the human race, someone, somehow diminishes it. So, I will not be writing about how I love people.

I have a question: Do we ever truly know someone?

Everyone has secrets; everyone is hiding something. Does it make sense for a person to be hiding their good side?

Last night I attended an honor roll party at school, from 5-7 pm. It started out interestingly enough. I was waiting in the car for my friends to show up when a van went past us. Guess who was in it? Arrogant Jerk. (Can we change his name to A.J. [stands for arrogant Jerk]?) I looked over to see who it was, and of course it was A.J. He saw me glaring at him, and he kind of smirked. My mom saw the look on my face and asked me who he was. I just told her to glare at him (she didn’t, but still, I told her to.) It was funny though, because the second he got out of his car my mom said, “He looks pompous, full of himself, and he’s too skinny.” I looked at her like she was brilliant. Mostly because she was brilliant, she was dead-on. He is all of those things, arrogant, jerk. Still, while he got out of the car, I couldn’t help but think, “He’s so hot, and he looked at me!” What’s wrong with me?

I wonder what A.J’s hiding. It’s obvious that he pretends he’s nice and brilliant, when in reality he’s a cowardly, arrogant jerk. But everyone could see that, if they looked carefully enough. No, I mean, I wonder what he’s really hiding. There must be something, there always is, with everyone.

A.J isn’t the one hiding his good side though. After we ate, and took a group photo I went into the Wii games room (my friends eventually found me and played too) and started playing Mario Brothers with Brian. Brian! Well, let’s just say I suck at Mario Brothers on the Wii, especially when I don’t know the controls. But anyway, it was an extremely normal and mostly fun game. Brian was nice! Honestly, if he tried a little harder to be nice on a regular basis, he’d be a great guy. He started the game by telling me an entertaining story about why Mario has to keep saving Princess Peach. It had to do with Mario eating a lot of lasagna, and then having to work out, then rescuing Princess peach, and then she turns him down when he ask her out. It was strange, but funny. I mean, the boy can actually have a normal conversation. I was so surprised. Sure, he said some things that were a little annoying, but nothing too bad. Hey, no one can change in one night. I've never thought he was too bad, I’ve always just thought that people need to give him a chance. I was right. I wonder if he knows what he can gain with just a little extra common sense. Why is he hiding his good side? What else is he hiding?

Do you want to know one thing that I’M hiding? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. I’m hiding how much I really want someone to share what I’m hiding with.

Those were the two things I remember most from yesterday (of course they both have to do with guys. Great. =[). Of course other things happened. I got three compliments yesterday. First, Kayla told me my eye make-up looked pretty. Then, when I got to the Honor Roll party Jasmine Stokes (whom I hung out with for the first 15 minutes, before she had to leave) told me I looked really nice, and that she liked my outfit and how she wished we didn’t have to wear uniforms. Then she wrote on the board in the classroom we were playing Wii in, “Baylee es Bonita.” Then when Katelyn came into the room she added, “y Buena” to it, so that it said, “Baylee es Bonita y Buena!” I don’t think they erased it, so when my Spanish teacher goes into her class on Monday she’s going to read it. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten some nice compliments, and they made me feel nice.

After the party Miranda, Katelyn, and I went to the mall to look at dresses for the spring formal (I still hope I get a date, although I know it won’t happen. I’m going to end up just having to go with my friends). I found my top three dresses and a jacket/cardigan. I am so excited. The dresses are so pretty. Looking at dresses and knowing I’ll be able to buy one makes me feel like a princess. All girls need to feel princessy every once and a while! XD

Afterwards, we went to see The Roommate. It was supposed to be a scary movie. It wasn’t as scary as I had hoped. The hot Ex-boyfriend and Cuddles the cat died. That was it. The worst part was when the cat died. I'm disappointed in it.

Miranda spent the night. I’ve had a rather boring day today. My mom and I went to Woodland Mall and hung out. It was fun and she took me to get a Caramel Sundae from Sonic. Yummy! XD

Super bowl tomorrow!

xoxox

~Baylee Jean

2nd Snow Day

Snow Day #2, 2^nd snow day in a row! Thank you snow! (or as many are calling it, Snowpocalypse, snowsaster, snowmageden, and Blizzard 2011).

                Today was a pretty good day! XD

                I woke up this morning still thinking about last night. Not the best way to wake up, so I was fuming first thing in the morning. It really bothered me, what he did. Oh well, I don’t even know him. I just hated the getting that realization of how arrogant people can be.

                Anyway, I’m trying to get over it (not gonna happen).

                Miranda called, ten minutes after I woke up. She was unnaturally happy. Somehow, here preppyness cheered me up a little. So we talked for a while and decided that she should come over. We were going to make snow people! After I hung up with her, I went to take a shower. Then, she came over and we threw snowballs at each other, failed at making snowmen, and made igloos (if you can call them that. Miranda’s is epic!

                I learned that we are going to have a Spring Formal! I get to wear a fancy dress and everything, so excited! Now I only wish I had a date…

                I’m going to go… I’m getting ticked again. Bye.

                Xoxox

                ~baylee jean

I Hate People.

                I hate people.

                Not going to lie, I’m completely pissed right now! So, if you aren’t in the mood to hear me rant, stop reading. I’m not in the mood to listen to your complaints.

                People are idiots, fakes, liars, jerks, stupid, charming, terrible. People are a disease. We are a disease to our planet, we are a disease to each other, and we are a disease to ourselves.

                I am an idiot. I feel so dumb. How could I not have known?

                People are so good at wearing mask; so good at covering up whom they truly are. They go around acting like something, and you want to know the worst part, everyone believes them. Then, all of a sudden the lightly drop the act like it’s no big deal. Or, even worse than that, they drop it right from the beginning, and act as if it’s casual. It’s not.

                You are such a jerk. How could I not have seen that?

                Am I really that bad a judging people? Sad thing is I’m still having a hard time figuring out how to judge you!

                People can be so unclear. People can be such complete jerks, yet be so charming about it that it doesn’t seem that terrible.

                You are trash.

                People can change so quickly. I think everyone is slightly bi-polar in some way. People can go from kind, to harsh; from loving to hateful, from charming to… trash. So much can change in so little time. It doesn’t take more than a second to change things, sometimes even less than that. People never really know anyone, if they’re always changing. But, it doesn’t really matter. Everyone will be deceived by someone in the end. Truth be told, you already have been. Everyone has been deceived by someone, even when they were young. Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy. When people get older, things only get worse. People can recover from minor lies such as though, funny games. It gets harder to recover as the games get more complex.

                I don’t know much of them, but: Your games don’t seem fun, or funny. No one wants to play, so get over yourself. The rules are too complex, and there is no meaning to the game. I’m pretty sure you’re making it up as you go along. I don’t want to play.

                I think I just put myself in the game.

                Even if you don’t want me there; no one talks about my friends like that, and gets away with it. Not without a fight.

                Wouldn’t it be funny if you lost your own game?

                I hate people. I am a person. I hate myself as well.

                I too wear a mask. I don’t think anyone knows what’s under it. I thought I wanted people to know who I am, to know me; I don’t trust anyone enough anymore to even try.

                They wouldn’t like me anyway.

                My mask. I am ashamed to be wearing it. So stupid that is to say, considering I don’t want to take it off. Or, I won’t take it off is more like it.

                I talked to you like you were funny, like you were charming. Oh, forget that. What’s the point of lying? I was flirting with you. Does that make you smirk? I was flirting. I think you’re cute and you seemed charming. Wish I would have known you would say that. I would have convinced myself not to start the conversation in the first place. Did that blow up your ego? I hope your ego explodes.

                Even after you said it, I pretended it was no big deal. I think I even added a few ‘ha’s’ behind it. It wasn’t funny. Get over yourself.

                I now know that you are a jerk. YOU ARE A JERK! I hope someone confronts you about it soon. I hope someone treats you exactly how you act. That’s the least you deserve, get a taste of your own medicine, see how it tastes. I assure you, it doesn’t taste good. Being deliberately fooled, and falling for a false act. You’ll feel like an idiot. You deserve it, because you are an idiot. I’ll give you a taste of it myself if I get the chance.

                Trust me; I’ll be working on my act.

                You like drama, right? Did you hear about the latest character in the play, the latest antagonist? It’s you! I wonder if you’d get the point by seeing how someone else portrays your character. I’m sure there are plenty of people that would do it. I know I would. Show you how ridiculous you look, sign me up.

                People never truly learn from their mistakes. If a person does something once, they’ll do it again. I’m sure it’s probably proven fact. If it isn’t, it will be soon. Habit is habit, and always will be. Flaws are flaws; everyone has them and is stuck with them. People can hide their flaws, and they can get away with it. But buried under the surface, the flaws will always be there.

                I’ve had one conversation with you. I can already make a list of your flaws.

                I can also think of a list of attractive qualities. You pull people in. That’s why I’m so confused by you. How did you know me? You didn’t even seem to know me for the reasons I thought, but something completely different. It made my heart flutter; too bad you went and ruined it.

                You are one of the world’s most dangerous, scary, vicious predators. I wish I would have stayed away. A teenage boy.

                I wish a million apples were thrown at you now. I will no longer try to stop them from bombarding you with apples now. Don’t expect any help from me.

                Learn how to treat people. Get a soul. You are not that brilliant, you are not better than anyone else. We may not all be able to see past the mask, but one day… one day…. One day you’ll learn the error of your way. I hope Karma comes and bites you in the butt… hard.

                Who do you think you are? Well? Who are you?

                 I hate you. I am attracted to you.

                I hate people.

~Baylee jean

Remember.

Blue eyes,

now glossed over

by the fog of resurfacing memories.

Turn around;

watch them walk.

Confidence,

not a worry on their mind.

Do you remember,

when you used to be happy?

You traded it

without

a second thought.

Now, look at you:

sitting their pathetic,

looking on in envy at what you

traded away.

It’s too late now.

Move on.

You gave it up.

Let it go.

Now look at you:

Sad.

Naïve you are,

and naïve you have been.

You can’t go back.

Remember

last year,

when you wanted so badly to be here;

to escape,

there.

Now, you’re here.

You want to go back;

you can’t.

Find someway

to get over it.

no one,

will give you pity.

Your only hope:

They don’t make

the same

stupid mistake as you.

xoxox

~Baylee Jean

P.S. I know, not a real blog post, but it still has a lot of feeling. And I think it works. If you don;t get it, the 8th graders came to GRP today, there's a hint.